Not so guilty anymore, the start of WEEK 2!

Made it to the 5:30 p.m. workout tonight. I'm not feeling so guilty anymore now that I've got a workout in. Tonight's instructor really worked us hardcore. I think my t-shirt was completely wet by the time I walked out of the building.

Emilie was great! She sat at a table and drew in her notebooks with her Tinker Bell pen. She watched and at one point I saw my little girl crying. I went over to her to see what was the matter. She had to go potty, but didn't want to go without me. She said it was too loud in there (because of the music) and she wanted me to help her. I don't know that I've ever been so happy to take her to the bathroom! I needed a breather! Back off to class I went and Emilie kept on drawing. 

Because she was such a good girl, we went on a little shopping trip to Target. Emilie got to pick out two new movies. Go figure my daughter picked out the girl with the perfect body! Two Barbie movies, "Barbie and a Mermaid Tail" and "Barbie in Swan Lake".

Keep moving forward.

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."
Walt Disney 

Emilie and I watched the Disney movie "Meet the Robinsons" this morning and at the end of the movie was this quote by Walt Disney. The words "keep moving forward" caught my eye and at the very end these words were highlighted and everything else faded out except for the words keep moving forward. 

Keep moving forward. Simple words really, but powerful if you think about it. Don't look behind you. Don't keep thinking of the past. Don't dwell on the past. Don't miss new things in life by looking behind you. Keep moving forward to pursue the greater things in life. 

All too often we dwell on our past only to set up more road blocks keeping ourselves from achieving the bigger picture. I'm realizing that I dwell all too often about how I looked in the past. The skinny me is how I view who I am now, but I'm no longer that thin girl. I'm overweight and unhealthy. This is my reality check. I need to stop seeing myself as I was in the past and look at who I am now and how I want to be in my future. When I dwell on my past looks, I get all depressed and do the one thing I think that makes me happy...eat. I know that I'm not the only one who eats when depression or being upset about something sets in.

Instead of eating we need to be more productive. I'm setting a new goal for this week. When I feel upset about something I will not pick up food. I will do one of the following:

1. Drink a large glass of water.

2. Do 20 sit-ups or push-ups.

3. Go for a long walk. Not slow, but a fast walk to burn some of my tension.

4. Write about my frustration. What's bugging me? Does it really matter? Can it be resolved? Will it matter tomorrow? Will I care in a year?

5. Clean up one of the rooms in the house.

6. Do the dishes.

Do you have any suggestions? I'd love to hear them.   

The alarm clock goes off...

Child does not flinch, move an inch or cover her ears. Even with a little poking, tickling and words from her mother to "get up", she continues to sleep so soundly. Emilie looked way too peaceful to be disturbed. Yes, another excuse to not get up and go work out. CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! Now I feel guilty as hell! I seriously do. So much so that I couldn't get back to sleep. UGH! Okay, thank goodness for afternoon classes. Man am I lucky I'm not working today, but this does throw a wrench into my whole day.

Other things on my mind...

I'm trying to put a list of reasons why I'm trying to become healthy. I hope this will help keep me inspired. I've put 10 things on my list so far and added the list to the left column of my blog, but I need some help. Would my friends and family please give me more reasons? I know this needs to be my list, but I need inspiration from all of you. I want it to be a fun and comical list of reasons...so anything is game. Post them in the comments or email me at Tricia.Zeis@mchsi.com.

Tomorrow's the start of a new week.

Most people consider Sunday the start of a new week, however for myself it's Monday. Monday begins week two of the transformation to a new me. Tomorrow will also test my patients. Tomorrow I get to play "stay at home mommy" to Emilie. I LOVE playing stay at home mommy! I really wish it was my one and only job and as much as I'd like to think that one day it will be, I'm doubting that day will ever come. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my full time job. It's just that like most jobs, it has it's days. 

Most people think that summer is the best time of year to work at a University. Most of the students are gone, therefore things should be very quiet. Not the case in Student Services. My primary tasks at work is make sure each and every student that attends Des Moines University has health insurance coverage. If the student isn't covered on a parent/spouse employer group plan, they must be covered on the University's sponsored health insurance plan. What makes it even more fun is that I am the only person that watches this very closely for about 1,300+ students. Every year I'm processing waivers, requesting copies of insurance cards or processing the paperwork to go to the insurance plan for those who chose to take the sponsored plan. Oh it's so much fun. Oh yes.

Besides health insurance I'm also assigning lockers, helping with other Orientation projects/plans, scheduling meetings, working on Student Government for three colleges, Student Senate and many, many, many more projects. So as you can see, I have no summer. Nada. Ziltch. Nothing. Can you now understand why I would want to be a stay at home mommy?

Tomorrow will test me. I thought about letting Emilie, and myself, sleep in and attend the 9:00 a.m. class, but what good will that do? Since Rob is out of town until Saturday, I might as well get up early and try, try, try to get Emilie moving and to class with me. That is at 6:15 a.m. in the morning. If that doesn't work, we'll try 7:15 a.m. and if all else fails, I hope and pray we can get to the 9:00 a.m. class. I'm not about to talk myself out of this! I know there are classes in the late afternoon and early evening, but I really want to stick to my scheduled time. Hopefully Emilie will cooperate with me. Please! Please! Please!

I'm a slacker

You read the title right! I am a slacker. Its Saturday 11:30 a.m. and I've missed not only my nutrition seminar at 10 a.m., but also every single lower body workout held this morning. Why? I do have an excuse, but I honestly can't say that it's very legit.

Before 4 a.m. (I think...I was pretty tired yet) we were out the door, in lightning and rain, to take Rob to the airport for a 6 a.m. flight. The way it looked out we were wondering if the plane would even take off. I'm a little worried about him being gone this entire week because he has been my rock. I've been getting up every morning because I don't want to disappoint him. There is this little part of me that has been thinking that he was wondering if I'd be able to get up and make it to class? That little part of me has been too afraid to ask him. So I've kept thinking it, getting up and going. No complaining about it being so early. Just doing it because it's what I need to do. It's what I need to do to prove to him, but most of all me, that I CAN DO THIS!

After saying our good-bye, Emilie pulled out of the drop off lane and headed down Fleur Drive toward home. That was until she spotted what I call the golden arches of hell! McDonalds. UGH! Why? Why? Why? I wanted to keep this kid happy, so I couldn't keep from tuning right into the drive thru. I ordered her a breakfast sandwich and myself an Egg McMuffin with bacon and a small OJ. My first thought was "Oh is this going to be good!" The second thought, "I'm going to pay for this in a few hours!" Holy heck what did I just do?

Once we got home, Emilie and I crawled back into bed for a couple more hours of sleep. My ass! How stupid can I be to not set the alarm clock? And why is it that just about every other Saturday morning my daughter wakes up at 8 a.m. and wants to watch cartoons and eat a Pop Tart? Why did she not do it this morning? Because Emilie, like me, was pooped out!

So, does shopping for workout closes, kid’s clothes and a few groceries count as a workout? If the rain stays away, we just might get in a 1.5 mile walk through the neighborhood.

Day 5 - Friday

I made it to Friday! Wow! What an incredible feeling. Yes, I am feeling the pain. My quadriceps have never been in so much pain! Thursday's lower body band class kick my butt or maybe since I'm saying quadriceps (thighs) I should say gluts? It's pretty hard to get my leg up to kick the punching back. Every time I raised my leg, I felt like I was going to fall over. At times I'm sure I looked like I'd been drinking because I certainly couldn't keep my balance.

I truly thought I was going to die when our instructor wanted us to do, well, I'm not exactly what she said because I was on the floor out of breath at this point, but I think it was leap frogs?? All of a sudden I see everyone going from stretched out on the floor, to a squat position and jumping in the air and back down. At least that is what it looked like. Reminded me of that song I sing to Emilie "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes", but we were doing this to some 1990's dance tune.

All I know at this point is that I've made it through the first week...almost. Tomorrow is an early morning, 4 a.m., to get Rob to the airport. Thank goodness Emilie and I can come back home for a few hours. After that I go to the gym for an upper body workout and at 10:00 a nutrition seminar, all with Emilie in tow!

I'm evil...I know!

Something interesting happened last night in our house, but I need to start out a few hours before this just so you know how I was feeling throughout the day. Overall I felt great, but toward the end of the work day the feeling of being sick slowly inched its way from not so bad to I really think I'm going to hurl moment! Once I got home I noticed Rob was in the backyard mowing our monstrous hills (Come back later and I might have video from a few years ago so you get the idea!), Emilie was quietly watching TV so I decided I'd lay down for a little bit before dinner. Usually when Rob mows the hills clear out back he does that only and leaves upper backyard, closest to the house, and the front yard for another day. It's not the best idea to try and do it all in one late afternoon because not only does it take 3-4 hours when it's mowed all in one shot, but it also has to be done with a push mower. Again, when you see the video you will understand why I say this.

Needless to say I fell into a deep sleep only to be woke up by Rob wanting to know why I didn't check on him or answer my phone. He could have been hurt or killed out there, but obviously I didn't care! Okay, my wifely duties weren't held up, but I just wasn't feeling all that great. Once he was done, he cleaned up and went for a ride on his motorcycle. In the meantime Emilie wakes up crying and yelling "My legs hurt! My legs hurt! Aweeeee!" This goes on for almost 30 minutes. I felt horrible for her and knew she was truly in pain because she wouldn't say anything else. My poor baby is a tall little girl, so I knew it had to be growing pains.


Rob returns from his short ride and it's after 8:00 p.m. None of us have had dinner so we're trying to figure it all out. I absolutely hate trying to figure out dinner! My bad for not being a "plan ahead" person, but when you live with picky eaters and your trying to eat healthy to lose weight, cooking dinner really sucks! I don't enjoy it like I use to.


"Trish, you can have the left over chicken and rice." Great Rob. Thanks. I ate it Monday night and last night so this will be night number three for me. I was really looking forward to it. "You know what Rob? There are two pieces of chicken and enough rice for two. Emilie won't eat any, so you can have the other portion!" What do you think happened next? He ordered an f&*$@!# pizza from Casey's! Really? Is that healthy? And he wonders why he can't get a washboard, six pack stomach! Oh! Oh! But that isn't the best part! A few nights before he went to do the grocery shopping and bought Pepperidge Farm cookies and Oreo's! All I said was keep them away from me and they better be gone before you leave on Saturday morning or their going with you!


To top off the bad eating he told me that he'd been through his 10 weeks. He can do this now. Uh, yeah. Dude! You are falling of the wagon! Don't you see that? Then he informed me that he probably wasn't going to go to bands class Thursday morning because it will be lower body day and he doesn't really like lower body day. Guess what folks? He didn't go.


Now I'm hoping that my husband loves me a lot because if he reads this he might love me a little less for not only telling the world about this, but also because I had a little talk with Leah at Farrell's this morning! Oh no you didn't girlfriend? OH YES I DID! I told her about the Oreo's. "It was a small package, right Tricia?" Nope...the big one! I also told her about the pizza and her mouth dropped open! "I'll make him work hard this morning!" Leah said. "Uh...my bet is that he won't be here this morning Leah." "Oh he better be!" But of course, as I said, he didn't go.


When I got home from class Rob was still lying in bed and he wanted to know what I thought of lower body bands. I still like bands better than cardio, but I have a feeling someone, besides me, will be hating cardio kick boxing tomorrow morning too! Honey, word of advice...when I'm not feeling good don't make me plan dinner or bug me about not checking on you especially when you've fallen off the wagon!

My Wednesday Morning Goal...

I have one ultimate goal this morning...not to puke during, at the end or on my way home from cardio kick boxing!

Later in the day...
Goal has been achieved with great success! I'm proud to report that I got to class and stuck it out! No running to the bathroom for anything. Class did kick my butt and Shelly, my friend from the past few days, was our instructor.

I still like band class better. Here's hoping that Friday is a little better for the cardio workout!

Bands, I love them!

No I'm not talking about musical bands silly! It's those yellow, easy to stretch bands used for resistance training. Of course there are other colors as well. Each color is a different resistance level. I've heard Rob talk about this part of the training and I have done this in the past. I'm not sure he likes Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, band days, because I know for a fact that those are the days he missed when he didn't go work out, which, I must add wasn't too often!

My usual self was a tad bit late, so I had to find some space more towards the front of the class. Being at the front of the class really wasn't all that bad. It was much easier to see the instructor and to follow along. However I don't like having my ass parked right in front of others especially if I'm having one of those 'gassy' days. Get my drift?


I parked myself right next to Shelly. Shelly is another coach/instructor and she was ever so helpful yesterday. She turned to me and said, "I'm so glad to see you! When we started and I didn't see you I thought you had quit!" My short reply was, "Nope! My husband won't let me quit!" "Good for him!" she replied.


Knowing that she was looking for me was proof that I was not only being held accountable for showing up, but that someone there really cared. Do you have any idea how good that feels? People I don't know care that I'm in class trying to improve my health. I know this isn't all for show either. I can tell by the look in their eyes and how they say it that they mean it.


Today was upper body day and I have to say that although I feel like my arms are about to fall off my body and my boobs haven't felt this sore since I was pregnant and gave birth to Emilie, I really enjoy band days! I wasn't running out of breath like I was yesterday during that cardio kick boxing class. My form seemed to be good because the coaches and instructors were telling me so. I think I'm going to like Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Monday, Wednesday and Friday...still not sure. Guess I'll find out tomorrow!

First day...What am I thinking?

It's 6:00 a.m. and I've been up for a half hour already. Getting me out of bed is like taking a crowbar to a bolted down box. I'm usually in bed until at least 7:00 a.m. So far, so good for this not so morning gal.

I’m off on a quick two minute drive to the Ankeny South Farrell's location were I will be spending the next 10 weeks, 45 minutes a day, six days a week. Once again I walk into a sea of people! The group not only consists of the new friends who also decided to take the plunge, but also those who are more acquainted with the program and have been with it for sometime now. Needless to say all us newbie’s thought we'd stick to the back of the room!


Not even 10 minutes in and I want to quit! I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but for goodness sakes Lord, PLEASE have mercy on me! I haven't even got into the punching and kicking and I'm ready to fall to the mat and cry! Is it normal for a person to lose their coordination when they get older? Because this one time cheerleader has absolutely NONE! Although I found that I'm better at following along when going side to side, but completely suck when it comes to going forward and backward. What the heck is up with that? Lucky for me I'm not being judged on my coordination and how well I keep up...for now at least!


I'm guessing that puking isn't required, but I did! Am I embarrassed? Hell no! I look at it as a great achievement. I pushed myself this morning. I felt the burn baby! I'm impressed with myself. I may not have finished the last 10 minutes of the class out on the mat, but I did make it to the toilet and I didn't make a scene while doing it. Yeah for me!!


And the rest of the story...


I went home, cleaned up, got Emilie dressed, dropped off to the sitter's house and went onto work. I felt pretty good. Good, not great, but good. My body has been sore and achy and I totally expected that to happen. However, my head was a mess! I think my brain became jelly. I wasn't thinking too straight and the words weren't coming out of my mouth once I thought of what to say. Signs of being tired? Maybe, but I didn't feel all that tired. If anyone can explain it to me, I wouldn't mind being enlightened a bit!

How was that Orientation?

Holy sea of people! I stepped into the door at Farrell's and all I saw were masses of people sitting on the mat in small groups. Some were standing while coaches took measurements and others were sitting on the floor filling out paperwork. How many people were there? I have no flipping clue because my brain is a bit fried after testing and I'm not thinking clearly at all!

"Tricia, what did you have to do?" you ask. Let me try to put it all down for you!


1) Each group had the same forms to fill out, but each was color coded by group oh so nicely! One form was "About Me" and the other was to write down our measurements and results for push-ups, sit-ups, sit & reach and that one mile run/walk. Am I going to share this information with all of you? I'm still not sure yet. I'm still thinking!

2) After having the measurements done, my group was the second group to do the four minute step test. Boring. Listening to a CD of someone saying "up" "down" "up" "down" over and over again is oh so fun! Not. After a while you feel like tiny little soldiers marching in the Nutcracker. I was doing fine until about two minutes in when my thighs started to feel like jelly. Then my right ankle (the one I broke last summer) decided that it didn't want to cooperate with the rest of my body. Due to my ailments I walked in place on a few of those 'steps' and then went right back into it. I knew I had to pass this part of the test just to be able to do the program. Yeah for me for making it through!

3) One mile run/walk. This is for the endurance part of the test. It started off great...for the first block and a half. After that I said screw this and went into my fast paced walking mode. Thank goodness I was smart enough to bring the iPod along. I do have to say this was the most humbling part. I had lots of support along the way as the neighborhood we were testing in was having a neighborhood garage sale! On several occasions I wanted to stop and shop, but those lovely folks would wave and say nice things like "Come on fatty! Get moving!" Oh I'm just kidding! They were all very nice people cheering me on to keep with it. I was waiting for some of those moms to get down on their knees and start bowing to me with arms over their heads and chanting "You go girl! We worship you for commitment!" Hell, that didn't happen.

Okay, by now you must know that I HATE running! I went out for track for like 2 weeks in junior high and that was the end of that! I swore I'd never do running again. Hello! You're looking at the little girl in elementary school who couldn't place in the 50 yard dash the last day of school. Now I've been told by some other women who went through the Farrell's program that they too hated to run. However they even admitted to me that running now days is for fun for them! Are you kidding me? If I start running on a day to day basis after this program then you all need to join this program without question because it will be a MIRICALE and hell is probably going to freeze over!

4)Weight...yeah, not my favorite either! And no we aren't going there!

5) After a little talk by the fabulous Leah, manager of the Ankeny South location, we paired up within our group to our push-ups and sit-ups. Thank you team Farrell's for NOT making us do that right after that run! I managed to team up with a young lady who, in recent weeks, had graduated from college. I was trying to figure out why she was doing the program because she looked pretty good. Then I remembered that I was once her age and thought to myself about the time when I said "I hope I don't get fat like that old 35 year old mom!" Yes I seriously thought 35 years old was 'old' at one time in my life!

Am I going back on Monday for class or saying to heck with it? I don't have a choice. If I want to get healthy I have to go back. Plus, Rob won't let me quit since he's forked out all that dough for me to get started! For now I'm going to try and enjoy the evening and my free day on Sunday. It's called the couch, a cold beverage and the TV turner. My kid might have to fend for herself at dinner time!

Morning of Orientation

Am I ready for this? Can I do this? How do I feel?


NO! I HOPE! And Nervous AS HELL!

Right now I'm about to have an anxiety attack. I'm notorious for anxiety attacks. More so because of having Crohn's disease and always needing to know where a bathroom is at all times. It's always the first thing I map out in a new restaurant, store, fair, amusement park....any place public. For goodness sakes on my wedding day, as I'm about to walk down the isle, I started freaking out! My bridesmaids had to lift up my dress and help me sit on the potty. The only images I had pounding inside my head, besides the horrible cold I had in the middle of June, were of me at the alter asking the minister to hold one second while I ran back up the isle to use the toilet! All the while I'm freaking and my girls are trying to calm me, Rob and all the grooms men were standing at the alter!! Yep...and you guys were wondering what took us ladies so long to get started! Now you know why it was such a quick wedding! (Some have called it one of the fastest weddings they'd ever attended!)

Well people, anxiety sucks! It's also very real, not some made up health symptom made up to sell more prescription drugs! Right now I'm about to have one massive anxiety attack that could cause me to run off to the bathroom not to crap, but to puke! I hate puking with a passion! That horrible metal taste in my mouth that only leads to cotton mouth. Puking due to anxiety isn't as much fun as puking from drinking too much the night before. At least if I were puking from drinking too much it was because I had one hell of a night out on the town. But as my tummy is turning and twisting into lots of miniature knots, new visions of me falling to the ground having a massive heart attach seep into my head with one huge headache to help out the anxiety of the morning. For the love of God girl BREATHE DAMN IT! BREATHE!

Time out. Let me answer the phone...

10 minutes later...
Okay...so in the middle of typing this little blog Rob called. He called to wish me luck and tell me that I'll do fine. How does he do that? Most of the time he knows exactly what to say to calm my nerves. I said MOST of the time, not all the time. This time he was on target! I must admit he was really good, because he did it all the way from Chicago, IL!

I didn't see it!

Went in for that photo. Nope...didn't look at it. Not sure I ever want to. Then again I thought I'd take my own at home and take photos each week. Uh...too much? Yeah, I think so too.

The next question...do I dare share with the world my measurements, weight and all that before stuff? Uh...I seriously don't want to. However,  it might be an idea I should toss around this evening. Hummm...it would make me accountable and would really show the true story of my journey. I'd also be embarrassed beyond belief! So do any of you have any thoughts about this? Would you share or not?

Day Before the BIG Photo

Yep, tomorrow is the day I go in for that not looking forward to, so wonderful BEFORE photo. A little part of me is looking forward to it. Another part of me is going oh crap! What do I wear? Then there is little tiny part of me going, “Why am I doing this? I pray NO ONE sees this photo!” Ah…but no one will IF I don’t win! But damn! Wouldn’t it be nice to have a $1,000 in my pocket for that awesome trip to Playa del Carmen, Mexico in September? Crap! I’ve got to win and damn it, people have to see that photo!

So, I don't own a bikini. Seriously, why would I own one? I'm a big girl, with rolls, stretch marks and scars. One of those lovely scars runs a few inches up above my belly button, around it and several inches below it. Not the typical scar one would get when having her appendix removed! At the time the doctors were going in to do exploratory surgery to find out why I was having so much abdominal pain. Anyway, that's a story for another day. The scar became a permanent marking back in August of 2001 and left me in the hospital for almost a week. The only good part is that it saved my life.

Below that, under that bottom fat roll, is the incision from my left to right. That is where Miss Emilie was delivered. Yes, via c-section on June 30, 2006. I love that scar because it brought the most beautiful baby girl into my life! So there...my reasons for not owning a bikini.

What should a girl do when needing to have such a revealing photo taken? Do I go in my unflattering tan bra and granny panties? Should I sport a sports bra with some cute little boy short underwear? Maybe the sports bra, but the boy short underwear might be a little too much. Shorts. Regular green shorts! There we go! The before picture outfit is picked out. I'm sure as heck not buying a bikini that hopefully would be way too big for me in a few months and most likely something I'd never wear anyway!